The concept of advice shouldn’t be confused by a discipling system, and used to exert pressure by a ‘discipler’ (or ‘moses’) on a ‘disciplee’ (or ‘joshua’). When the concept is abused by pressure with authority and ‘lording’ over people, it’s not really advice at all.
Advice is something an individual seeks when faced with difficult decisions. The responsibility is solely on him or her, as these decisions can potentially bring about life-long consequences.
Proverbs 24:6 says “for waging war you need guidance, and for victory many advisers.” A general or king, as the leader, has to take the consequences of his decisions in battle, which can lead to victory or defeat. So a general will have his advisers who can provide information, give insights, look at the pros and cons and give advice, but the advisers don’t have authority or power over the general.
The concept of discipling became twisted when seeking advice in reality meant seeking permission -this was the policy in the ICOC regarding dating, for example. ‘Going against advice’ was frowned upon and seen as ‘rebellious’, therefore ‘against God’s will’. How can that be pressure-free advice? And seeking advice should mean the individual has the freedom to chose from whom he or she seeks advice. Another major flaw in shepherding is when inexperienced disciplers are given authority over a Christian’s life which can have an adverse influence.
I think back with embarrassment while I was in the ICOC the number of times I heard another Christian sharing struggles or problems with me and I ask “have you talked to your discipler about it”. It was almost instinctive, and indicative of how dependent we were on a discipling system. That’s not Christianity.
When you or I are leading our life, we have to take responsibility, but we should seek wise advisors. It says in Proverbs 24:5, the preceding verse, ‘A wise man has great power, and a man of knowledge increases strength’. So you need to seek advice from wise and trusted people rather than just accept a discipler assigned to you. The more consequential the decision, the wiser and more trustworthy the adviser you need.
But getting wise advice is not enough. We need to do our own homework, and seek wisdom straight from the source of the issue. If it’s spiritual, you need to search the scriptures. If it’s financial or regarding career, you should do your own research and reading. That way, no matter what the topic, when you seek advice, you are also grounded with your own knowledge. This allows you to make informed decisions in receiving advice, and not just swallowing advice ‘hook, line and sinker’. It also means you’re more likely to detect faulty advice and make the right decision with conflicting advice.
Furthermore, when it says ‘a wise man has great power’ I believe it’s not just saying seek wise man, but strive to be one. To be truly wise, you have to do more than just learn from those around you, you have to go the extra mile in doing your own homework, and seek inspiration that puts you above the norm. Just going with the flow and accepting the same input from everyone around you means you’ll just be a part of the system, another brick in the wall.
To be wise and visionary, you need to seek something outside the system -in Christianity, that is searching the scripture for truth, not to just strengthen your own sectarian position. It means having the courage to ask difficult questions. Most of us simply end up accepting the sectarian culture with interpretations that are taught to us year after year. For me, it wasn’t until the ‘Honest to God’ letter and other articles and information that I realized how much I’d just swallowed everything in the ICOC, including the concept of advice and tithing among other things.
On to some other proverbs: Acts 11:14 says “For lack of guidance a nation falls, but many advisers make a victory sure.” That’s just common sense. You wouldn’t want you’re government waging a war if it didn’t get reliable intel. You wouldn’t want your company to waste its advertising budget on a product if it didn’t get reliable marketing info.
Proverbs 12:15 “The way of a fool seems right to him, but a wise man listens to advice.” This is a verse that does look at someone’s stubborn and proud nature of relying on him or herself rather than listening to advice. I don’t think that gives justification for discipling authority… The responsible thing for an individual to do, as mentioned above, is to seek advice from wise people. And it makes a difference if the individual trusts that person, rather than an imposed discipler. It’s also possible, if the discipler is inexperienced, to give the wrong advice, and if insecure, to feel betrayed if the disciplee seeks advice elsewhere. Then the disciplee may be labeled ‘proud’ for seeking advice elsewhere, even though it’s the right thing to do.
I think this verse also implies listening to advice from an expert. The fool ignores the experts because he made up his mind already. That’s obviously proud. If you’re seeking advice regarding a career decision, you should seek a career counselor and/or people who are already in that prospective industry.
Then there’s also bad advice. Another proverb says: “The plans of the righteous are just, but the advice of the wicked is deceitful.” Another issue regarding advice and discipling is if deceitfulness and competitiveness become widespread within a church. This leads to the devastating effects of power games and manipulation, and where individuals are vulnerable if one-on-one discipling is used as the ‘nuts and bolts’ of a system of control.
This is the danger of discipling I have often warned about on the blog. The ICOC culture of discipling allowed so much potential influence to be exerted on the individual by leaderships -whether it’s the immediate discipler or bible-talk leader above them etc… There is no ’stop-gap’ for abuse. There is no objectivity and people are vulnerable to emotional, financial and social abuse and exploitation.
Certain leaders’ assumptions that ‘discipling’ is biblically essential is gravely erroneous. Discipling and shepherding are controversial, and used well they can be effective for personal training, but there’s a tendency for immature leaders to have far too much control over individual’s lives. That’s how the term ‘advice’ can become grossly abused. I suppose if the leaders have great integrity at the top, and ensure it down the line, and also allow avenues for issues, conflicts and complaints to be heard in a balanced, objective way then a discipling/mentoring system can be successful. But if leaders at the top become deceitful and corrupt, then that’s going to permeate all the way down the line as all lead by personal example or ‘miss-example’.
